


you're running (trying to break free)

by blackkat



Series: Tumblr Drabbles [83]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Humor, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Multi, mentioned pegging
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-07
Updated: 2018-06-07
Packaged: 2019-05-19 05:30:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14867535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackkat/pseuds/blackkat
Summary: “What,” Kakuzu says flatly.The redheaded witch who foiled his assassination sips her tea, for all the world like Kakuzu isn't trussed up like a sacrificial offering at her feet. “I said my husband thinks you're handsome,” she repeats, as if that will remove the sheerinsanityfrom those five words.“I tried tokill him,” Kakuzu says incredulously. “Istabbed him in the chest.”





	you're running (trying to break free)

“ _What_ ,” Kakuzu says flatly.

The redheaded witch who foiled his assassination sips her tea, for all the world like Kakuzu isn't trussed up like a sacrificial offering at her feet. A pause, and she eyes the cup, hums thoughtfully, and sets it down again. “I said my husband thinks you're handsome,” she repeats, as if that will remove the sheer _insanity_ from those five words.

“I tried to _kill him_ ,” Kakuzu says incredulously. “I _stabbed him in the chest_.”

“I noticed,” Mito says, as mild as a summer sky, but there's a glint in her eye that makes Kakuzu swallow hard, because she _definitely_ hasn’t forgotten that she walked in on him standing over her husband’s body. Not that Hashirama was dead—Kakuzu failed pretty miserably at that part of his mission, because the bastard might as well be a damned _cockroach_.

Of course, Mito sails on right through the wake of his suddenly nervous silence. “Hashirama is an incredibly kind man, and has forgiven you the attempt.” The narrow look she levels at Kakuzu makes it clear that she’s nowhere near as dumb. Another sip of tea, and she says, “He has extended an invitation to you, to stay in Konoha rather than returning to Taki. You would be wise to accept it.”

“ _Wise_?” Kakuzu splutters. “You know as well as I do that this was a fucking _suicide mission_ , but Taki's still going to want me back. You don’t want a war.”

Mito smiles, thin and vicious, and it’s honestly one of the most terrifying things Kakuzu has seen in his entire life. “No,” she says precisely. “I don’t _want_ one, but should it come to that, I certainly won't _lose_ one, either.”

Yeah, Kakuzu is willing to believe Uzumaki Mito has never lost a fight in her _life_ , and she definitely won't start with Taki.

“Besides,” Mito adds, more quietly, and this time when she looks at him a bit of the hardness has faded from her eyes. Not all of it, but Kakuzu is pretty sure _soft_ isn't a look that comes to her naturally. “I think we also both know what Taki's reaction will be to the fact that my husband is still alive.”

Kakuzu’s been trying not to think about that. He honestly hadn’t expected to survive the attempt on Hashirama’s life, and somehow he gets the feeling that crawling back to his village in failure isn't exactly going to be met with sympathetic pats on the back. “What the fuck does it matter to you,” he demands, but it comes out tired instead of vicious, the way he intends. Fuck, this whole mission has been a disaster. An _expected_ disaster, but that doesn’t change the shittiness at all.

Mito smiles, and it looks like a tigress circling a deer with a broken leg. Kakuzu resents the fact that he’s the deer in this analogy, but that doesn’t change the accuracy of it. “You aren’t the first to try and kill my husband,” she says, and she’s not crass enough to put an emphasis on the possessive, but it’s still stark and sharp and _noticeable_ in a very deliberate way. “I'm very sure you won't be the last, Kakuzu. But you are the first he thinks is handsome.”

Kakuzu stares at her warily, wondering if this is the part where she guts him for daring to be her husband’s type. He’s heard things about the Uzumaki. _Terrifying_ things. _Weird_ things. Some he won't credit with even a shred of truth, but some of them…

“You need a place to live that won't send you on suicide missions,” Mito says, and that glint is back in her eyes. “Do you find my husband attractive, Kakuzu?”

Deliberately possessive again, and Kakuzu swallows, risks a glance at the closest window. He won't get far cocooned in ropes the way he is, but it will probably be a slightly ore dignified death that way.

“Yeah,” he says, because lying seems like a bad idea right now. “I’d fuck him if he asked. What the hell does that have to do with anything?”

Mito's smile is pure satisfaction. “Wonderful,” she says, and rises to her feet in a perfectly composed motion. “I’ll arrange for you to be added to our marriage. The paperwork should be ready by this evening.”

“ _What_?” Kakuzu demands.

Mito raises a brow at him, like he’s a slow child, and ignores the way Kakuzu bristles at her for it. “Hashirama won't accept a bodyguard,” she says, “and someday an assassin will find a way to defeat his healing. I can't be with him at every moment of the day, But a husband? You he’ll accept.”

“You're insane,” Kakuzu informs her. “I tried to _kill him_.”

“Yes, but you're not going to try it again,” Mito says with perfect certainty. Kakuzu hates that she’s right. “Besides, you receive all the perks of being the Hokage's husband, including sharing a bed with him. With _us_.” She leans down, pulling a kunai out of her sleeve, but before Kakuzu even has time to brace himself she’s slicing through the ropes holding him. As they fall away, she smiles, sly and beguiling, and taps a finger against Kakuzu’s lips. “Consider it? He makes the most delicious sounds when he’s being taken.”

 _Taken_? An entirely inappropriate bolt of heat ricochets through Kakuzu’s veins, and he swallows hard. Mito gives him one last arch look and then glides away, carefully closing the door behind her in a way that makes it obvious it’s not locked. She doesn’t need to make the gesture, though; Kakuzu knows precisely how he’s going to screw himself over, and it’s not by going back to Taki.

“ _Fuck_ ,” he says loudly into the still air, but it’s not nearly as satisfying as it should be with that image Mito planted still in his head. He was more than happy to kill Hashirama, because it was a job even if it was a shitty one, but—

Alternatives are nice. And that’s a fucking _nice_ alternative, gods.

He groans, scrubbing a hand through his hair, and then shoves to his feet to go find Mito. If there's any sort of marriage happening, he wants in on writing the prenup.


End file.
